Near ROCHEBLAVE AND ORLEANS
(An excerpt from ALLOVIT)
There is a motel on the corner of Orleans and one of the streets I mentioned above. It is one of the many crack motels in New Orleans. They are not hard to find. Anyone interested in finding a place to have a crack party just need look for one of the neighborhood motels. There is one on Ursuline Street, one on Prieur, several along Airline Highway … you see my point. They are all over the city of New Orleans. Every major city in the US has these drug hotels. They are just sitting there and all it takes is some looking around. St. Paul has its share and so did Atlanta, Green Bay, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, Lafayette, Baton Rouge … basically everywhere I’ve lived. And of course, if there is a crack motel, there is crack. I am sure there are other drugs as well, but I only had the demon for crack and all of its proclivities.
This hotel near Orleans is a special place because it was there that I was thrown out of the room by crack using friends and the police were waiting in the parking lot with there guns drawn and smiles on their faces.
The parking lot sits in the middle of the building. There is one open throughway for entering and exiting, so if you are in, you are trapped if the police decide to raid it. To my knowledge, it wasn’t raided very often. But on this night, they were looking for someone and with my behavior over the past few years, it could easily be me.
As I finished my crack run and fumbled about finding my clothes and my belongings among the several people that were in the room, I remember being upset and sad and angry and afraid as usual at the prospect of returning to my parents house broke, afraid, smelly and disgusted with myself. It was the same old story: Bought crack, met someone, got high, went to a motel for a crack and sex party. Same old story. As the night went on, more people came in and out for the sex and the crack. I was buying it all and when I ran out of money, the people in there suddenly did not want me around. Also, they somehow managed to have more crack! Imagine that! I was clueless at this game and got used more than once. Money stolen. Jewelry, phones, wallets, rings, etc. It was all taken from me and I did not seem to care. I did not care as long as I could continue to get high.
As I left in a crack induced daze, the police were waiting outside and pointed their guns at me. With the knowledge I have now of the behavior of some New Orleans Police Officers, I could have been shot dead and they would have justified it. I was in a crack house and was leaving in my car that had all kinds of crack paraphernalia on the floor and under the seat. I am sure I had a crack pipe with me. They looked at me and said, “Get the fuck out of here”. That was it. That was all. I then left.
NOTE: I write this today as I work on staying clean. Clearly Something is in my life. Clearly I have been saved. Clearly I am supposed to be doing something. What? The confusion and sadness and deflation I am presently feeling must be part of this process. I do not have to look far to see the many miracles that have occurred in my life. The list could be a thing to hold onto. Let go. Let go of all expectations because I am here for a reason. It is not the reason I am thinking of or expecting. Or is it? I don’t know. I do know I must keep clean and sober in order to find out. That is all I can do. Make the decision to move forward and stay clean and let this Power reveal himself to me in a way I can hold onto … just as he did by letting me write this story.
